


I Don't Want to Take What You Can't Give

by Fuzziness



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Tickling, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 16:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11604783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuzziness/pseuds/Fuzziness
Summary: AU where Clarke doesn't leave after Mt. Weather.  Things calm down.  Clarke is still not ok.  Bellamy Blake is a tickle monster.





	I Don't Want to Take What You Can't Give

**Author's Note:**

> (Title from lyrics to Corduroy, Pearl Jam)

They’d been sleeping together for awhile. Well, with eachother, beside one another. It was fucking cold, do you know how much warmer two bodies pressed up next to each other are than two separate bodies? So yeah, they slept together. The whole way back from the Ice Nation village they’d been sent as emissaries to. After having assuaged egos and reassured the leaders in person, Wanheda and Bellamy Kom Skikru had started back to Arcadia and it got fucking cold. They were prepared with extra furs even, from the Ice Nation, who somehow knew this front was moving through.  
It was great in the daytime. It felt great. They were outdoors, on their own and almost free from worries. It seemed like the alliance was holding. It seemed like their people were going to make it through the winter. She began to let herself enjoy it. In the morning the air was so crisp and clear sounds carried for miles. The smell of pine was intoxicating. At night, the stars practically sat on their shoulders. But the best part was him, Bellamy. Bellamy laughed. He smiled. He told her stories at night by the fire. They walked and joked all day. Making fun of each other, talking about their friends. He was funny and, when not an ass, he was charming. He was an ass a lot, but she was oh so fond of his smirk by this point. And she had to say that the fact she knew his confidence was well founded, well it was a relief there was someone she could depend on. A relief, and a fucking turn on too. If she thought about it, which she didn’t. She actively did not think about ways she could wipe that smirk off his face. Nope, a snide comment or eye roll was plenty satisfying.  
But, it was fucking cold. So, after about 30 minutes into night one of the trip home, shaking so hard her teeth hurt, all it took was him saying “Clarke-“ and she moved over to him, curling in under the arm he held up. Facing away from him and completely grateful when he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her farther into him. “Idiot” he said, setting his chin over the crown of her head.  
“Jerk,” she said, smiling as her eyes closed.  
And that became every night. Not the idiot and jerk sign-offs, but the sleep together- with one another situation. Usually they talked. They planned for Arcadia, deciding one night to see if any of the other 46 would want to start their own settlement. Once they realized they didn’t want to stay a part of Arcadia, they strategized endlessly over how to make it work- logistically, politically. It felt like the right answer but it would be tricky. He was so smart though, helping her work through each dilemma they thought of. And when they couldn’t talk about it any longer, he’d tell her a story from Herodotus or the Iliad. He had a mesmerizing voice. She tried to keep her eyes open until the end, but his voice just got so low and soft, it was easier to listen with her eyes closed. She’d wake up facing him, her face snug against his chest, their legs entertwined. She always woke up first, embarrassed to be sprawled over him so comfortably she’d slowly inch away, glad he seemed to be sleeping a little sounder now. Sometimes she studied his face. It was boyish, more than she’d realized initially. Maybe because he wasn’t so angry. Or maybe because his dark curls had grown longer framing his face and making her sorely wish to reach up and brush them away from his eyes. He had more freckles now, even in the winter, a constellation scattered across his nose and cheeks. He was beautiful and managed to even smirk a little in his sleep. She shook her head. Gina was lucky. She sat up to stoke the fire and reached for her boots.  
“Hey,” he said waking. Stretching his arms up over his head. It caused his t-shirt to come up over his pants, revealing olive skin and hard abs that she had the annoying desire to brush her lips against.  
“Hey,” she huffed, standing up abruptly and stomping her feet to get her boots all the way on.  
“Sleep well?” He asked knowingly. Jerk.  
“Alright, my pillow was a little soft.”  
“I’ve never had any complaints before.” He smirked.  
“I’m sure Gina won’t mind.” She teased, then seriously, “She’s going to be happy to see you.” They were probably going to make camp by dinner.  
“Ehm,” wasn’t the response she was expecting and she looked down to see Bellamy with his serious face back on, studying his hands.  
“What? You know she will be. Why are you worried?” It didn’t make sense for him to be worried. It totally went against his cultivated arrogance.  
“Well, we’re not really together anymore.” He was really studying those hands.  
“What? What do you mean?” She turned and sat next to him.  
“She broke up with me.” He said, putting his boots on.  
“What? When? How have you not mentioned this?”  
He began rolling up the furs and getting his pack ready. “It never came up. Did we have any meat left from last night?”  
“Yeah, I put some in the pack. Are you okay?” She looked at him concerned. He avoided eye contact, searching for the leftovers instead.  
“I’m hungry.”  
“I mean about Gina!”  
“Ummm, yeah.” He rocked back on his heels and finally looked her in the eye. “We’ve been together non-stop for the last two weeks. Don’t I seem okay?”  
“Well, you’ve never been normal, so it’s hard to tell. But it’s weird you never mentioned it.”  
He was searching in the bag again and let out a triumphant grunt and pulled out the wrapped food from last night. “It’s hardly the most traumatic thing to happen to me lately and, well, I guess I’m not sure how it really even started anyway, so I wasn’t too shocked when it ended.”  
“Oh.” She bit her bottom lip and looked at the smoldering fire, accepting the food he offered.  
“We should be back around 4,” Bellamy said, checking his watch.  
She nodded.  
He nudged her shoulder, “You gonna be okay?”  
“Yeah, it just feels so suffocating there. And this has been great.” She wasn’t looking at him, but could feel him smiling.  
“I know what you mean, but it feels better now that we have a plan.”  
“It does.” She agreed.  
“We could get lost…”  
“Tempting.” Now she was smiling too.  
“Yeah, it is.” He shook his head as if to clear it and stood. He held his hand out, she took it and let him pull her up. “Hey,” she looked up at him, “if it gets suffocating, tell me, and we will get lost for awhile, okay?” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. His brown eyes were soft and full of concern and she couldn’t look away. Nor could she speak, so she just nodded. And realized they were still holding hands.  
“Okay,” he said, and pulled her in for a hug. She focused on not crying, she focused on him and his scent and the ridiculous sense of safety she felt with his arms around her. She wanted to stand there all day. She wanted to be closer. She wanted to cry. She was going to lose it so instead she pulled away.  
“Better get started.”

~~~  
He had felt her stiffen as they walked through the gate. Abby approached with Kane at her side.  
“Welcome home!” she said, wrapping Clarke in a warm embrace. He could tell Clarke tried to match her mother’s warmth, but she couldn’t, and it pained both of them. The disappointment flickered across Abby’s face and then was hidden behind a half-smile. That is what Clarke inherited from her mother.  
“Welcome back Bellamy.” Kane said, shaking his hand.  
The two Ark leaders began moving them towards the station.  
“Dinner’s about to start, I know you two must be hungry and exhausted. Do you want to debrief us first thing in the morning?”  
Clarke looked at Bellamy, who nodded slightly. “Yes, that’d be perfect. Food sounds wonderful.” She turned to her mother, “It is good to see you Mom,” and she gave her another hug before Abby and Kane walked away. Bellamy bumped her shoulder with his, she looked up at him and shrugged. He knew how hard she tried.  
When they walked into the Mess Hall they were hailed by all their friends. It was good to see them. What he imagined seeing family would be like. He studied them as they settle in to eat. The mood was light and happy. Raven, Monty, and Harper joking and filling Clarke in on what had happened in the camp the past few weeks. Monty giving Raven shit about Wick and Raven announcing Monty and Harper had finally hooked up. Miller was quiet as usual but smiling knowingly and rolling his eyes ever so often. Lincoln was silent and mostly straight-faced, but even he laughed every once in awhile, which he took as a good sign. The only one to worry about was Jasper. He stared at his food and Bellamy could see he was gripping his fork much tighter than necessary. It was going to take time to fix that one. But if he worried about anyone it was her. There was a smile on her face and it looked wholly unnatural. He’d seen her real one so frequently in the last few weeks that the return of this imposter made his chest ache.  
He wanted to catch her eye, to tease her or just roll his eyes, something to break through this mask. But she won’t look at him. He wanted to wrap his arm around her and pull her close, kiss her and press into her, yeah, there was a list, but she wouldn’t look at him. So he too glowered at his food and gripped his fork too tight.  
“Hey there big brother, what did that venison do to you?” Octavia crashed into his back wrapping her arms around him. “Welcome back,” she whispered in his ear giving him one more squeeze then releasing him. She sat down on the bench next to him and studied his face. “You okay?” She asked quietly. “How was the trip?”  
“Yeah, I’m good, it was… uneventful.”  
“Hmmm, that actually sounds awesome. How was she?” She darted her eyes to Clarke, who was giving her undivided attention to Raven.  
“She was, at ease. I think it was good for her. I think it helped.”  
“Good. I hope it helped you too. Did you guys…” She left the question unasked but he snapped his head to face her and gave her one of his most stern older brother looks. “Guess not.” She laughed, stealing a piece of meat from his plate.  
“O,” he said in a low warning tone.  
“Hey, easy Bell. I’m just worried you’re going to start breaking all our silverware if you don’t get laid.” She laughed again and kissed his head before going to sit with Lincoln. He looked down at his hand which was now holding a bent fork. When he slammed it down he earned a few looks but not one from her. Of course not.

~~~

He went to his room early. He was tired, he was pissed, at what he wasn’t sure, but his friends didn’t deserve that. Plus, he needed a shower. He tried not to think of her, her hair, that mark above her lip he so badly wanted to kiss, her haunted eyes, but mostly he tried not to think of how well she fit against him at night. Like they had been carved from the same stone. He loved waking up in the morning before her, which he did every morning, listening to her soft breath, and running his fingers lightly up and down her spine. She was so soft then, and his. No. That was the thing, she wasn’t his. She was everyone’s. That was what she took upon herself, she wasn’t even her own. How could he save her from that? How long could she last, because surely they would not stop asking more from her. That’s why they had to break away. At least with their delinquents it was manageable. Between the two of them they would control it. He would help her, whatever that meant for them. He didn’t care if she ever knew how he felt, because he didn’t want it to be another obligation for her. Another person that needed something from her. He only wanted to give her his love, nothing in return. To protect her when she wouldn’t protect herself, not by over ruling, he’d made that mistake enough, but standing at her side, wherever she wanted to go, whatever she wanted to take on. There were too many variables here, too much they couldn’t control, and too many interests trying to divide them.  
He rubbed the bridge of his nose and tried again to focus on the book he was reading. This was the third or fourth time that particular thought loop had run through his head and he hadn’t finished more than a few lines. Of course he’d read the Odyssey a few times before, but still, it was a favorite.  
He had finally turned the page when there was a soft knock at his door and then it opened slowly. “Hey,” she stood framed in the doorway. She was wearing cotton shorts and a thin v-neck t-shirt. Her hair was down loose and wavy. The light behind her silhouetting her small frame. Maybe because he’d just been reading mythology or because he always had it in the back of his mind, but his breath caught at the sight of her and he thought of Persephone because of how innocent and fragile she looked. And it made him want to steal her, maybe, a little, or completely. He was fucked.  
He sat up. “Hey, what is it? Are you okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine, I guess. I was just wondering- I mean, I was trying to sleep and then I thought maybe, well-“ she stopped and bit her lip.  
“Clarke.”  
“Yeah?” She looked at him, her eyes blue like a river of sorrow.  
He lifted the blanket he was lying under, “Get over here.”  
She smiled, a genuine happy Clarke smile that killed him. She slid into his bed and turned to face away from him. He leaned over her to switch the light near his bed off, then wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. He breathed in her scent and laughed.  
“What?” She asked unsure.  
“It’s just you smell- clean.” He laughed.  
“Jerk,” she said, laughing too and trying to pull away.  
“No, no, no,” he whined and pulled her back to him. “Stay.”  
“Jerk,” she laughed again but there was no resistance.  
“You know Princess,” he said lips close to her ear, “I’ve been wondering something about you.”  
“Hmmm,” she turned her head slightly toward him so he spoke directly into her ear, his hot breath fanning her neck and giving her goose bumps.  
“Are you- ticklish?” As he said the last word he attacked her sides with his fingers. She let out a shriek of shocked laughter and began writhing around.  
“Is that a yes?” He laughed as she jerked and laughed.  
“No, Bellamy no!”  
“Are you sure? It seems like maybe you are?” He teased, relentlessly tickling her sides and tummy as she rolled towards him.  
“No! Stop Bellamy! Stop please!” She gasped, laughing with her eyes closed and a smile of pure joy on her face. This was a Clarke no one but him got to see. Maybe her parents. Had her father tickled her when she was little? He could remember tickling Octavia when she was young, to her annoyance and his great delight. But this was different. He loved the sight and feel of her moving under his fingertips, and there was nothing brotherly in the thoughts he was having watching her writhe around or the warmth that had started in his belly and was spreading down. He was going to have to stop soon.  
Suddenly, there was pounding at the door, then it slammed open and the harsh voice of a guard barked “What’s going on in here?”  
At the first bang he had instinctively rolled on top of Clarke so that her head was down by his chest and his armed blocked the guard’s view of who was in his bed. Except for some of her blonde hair that he tried to cover with his hand. “Get. The. Fuck. Out.” He growled.  
“Is everything okay in here?” The guard asked.  
“Get out.” He repeated. He was seething. He wasn’t going to accept some asshole barging in when he had finally gotten some of this goddamn wall down. She was likely to turn even farther into herself after this. Especially when he went to the brig for assaulting a guard.  
“I need to hear from her it’s okay.” The realization of what he must have thought was going on made Bellamy even more livid and he was pretty sure he did growl then.  
But Clarke nodded her head under him and then said calmly, “I’m fine, it’s fine, it’s- not what you think.”  
“Oh, okay, might want to keep it down then.”  
“Get the fuck out.” Bellamy repeated, looking at the guard with as much bloodlust as he could summon.  
The man stepped back and allowed the non-locking door to swing shut.  
“We are getting out of this place as soon as possible.” His blood was boiling and he felt a compelling need to hit something.  
“Bellamy?” Clarke said from down near his chest.  
“Yes Clarke?”  
There was a pause, “Your biceps are huge!”  
He started, surprised, then glanced down to see her looking up at him with a goofy expression on her face.  
He paused then said, “The better to protect you with my dear.” They both laughed and he felt some of the tension roll away. He didn’t move off of her though, instead caught up in the realization that the length of their bodies were fully pressed together and certain parts of his had already noticed and were clearly starting to enjoy it.  
“Bell?” Shit.  
“Yes Princess?”  
But instead of calling him out, he felt her press her lips and the palm of one hand to his bare chest, while her other hand lightly stroked his waist.  
He froze. This couldn’t be happening. Was he misinterpreting- but then he groaned when she flicked her tongue over his nipple and ran her hand over the other. Probably only one interpretation of that. Which was good because he was getting hard and felt his erection pressing into her belly. She kissed up his chest, stretching up to kiss then slightly lick the base of his neck. She ran her hands up his chest and the back of his neck into his hair, giving him goose bumps and making him sigh with pleasure.  
“Bellamy?” She whispered against his neck.  
“Yes Princess?” He looked down at her. Into those blue eyes in which he’d seen determination, defiance, despair. Which were so captivating he usually had to look away and say something obnoxious. Because he knew if he didn’t he’d be lost. Now he couldn’t look away, and he was lost because he saw in them lust and possibly a reflection of the love that was in his own. They held one another’s gaze for a minute, then her eyes drifted down to his lips, his heart surged forward and there was no restraining it now so he lowered his head and kissed her.

~~~


End file.
